Patsy
Listen, Saffy. I am the victim in this case. I mean he's just using me for publicity. He's just riding on my back to get his pathetic little face in the papers.
Edina
Exactly, sweetie. Patsy has had the hassle and trauma. She's been forced to leave her flat, darling.
Saffron
Forced? Even the cockroaches left that hole of their own accord.

Edina
That's ridiculous. Those bastard scum filth of the Press. darling...
Saffron
Well, make up your mind! One minute they're scum and the next you're giving them lunch and pouring booze down their throats in the great name of PR.
Edina
Booze? Booze? Sweetie? Booze, darling? Is that what they call it down the Uni Bar? Booze, sweetie, is it? Will you be popping in there, darling, after a hard day's lecture for some half-a- pint of shandy booze?

Edina
'Patsy is ..." Uh?
Patsy
Yes
Edina
Aged forty-seven!
Patsy
Aagh! I'll sue
Saffron
Well, hold is she?
Patsy
I'm thirty-nine
Saffron
And I'm an ovum.

Mother
Nothing like a good old sex scandal. Bit more exciting than the ones in my day.
Edina
God, what was it in your day? "Woman shows ankle to chimney-sweep shock'!

Edina's Doctor
Well we removed this. It's an acupuncture needle. It must have worked its way down.
Edina
But I've only ever had cranial acupuncture. Oh! how many organs has it harpooned on its way down there. I'm like a needle-dumping ground.

Series One

Series Two