Edina
(to Mother) Oh God! What are you doing here?

Edina
Saffy doesn't want you to stay. Do you, darling? She wants a bit of freedom. Doesn't need you cramping her style. Wants to have parties, with boys and friends, play loud music and ....
Bubble
Have orgies.
Edina
Yes, and smash the place up and crash out on the floor.
Bubble
In a pool of sick.
Saffron
I don't.
Edina
Well, why bloody not? Just try it once.

Edina
Something has been stolen from my room.
Saffron
What?
Edina
A certain little something precious to me.
Bubble
Have you seen this pot?
Edina
Where? Where have you seen it? Tell me.

Mother
This filtered water boils very quickly.
Bubble
That's because there's less of it.

Saffron
They are illegal drugs. You use them like most people have after-dinner mints ... to round off a meal. Either you sniff something to make you speedy or smoke a little something to make you jellybrained. Either way you end up more boring than you can imagine.
Edina
That's rich coming from someone who lives their life at a level of boredom that would make a battery chicken think of taking up an evening class.
Saffron
Mum, you are supporting a criminal, corrupt, evil system.
Mother
Is she insisting on voting Labour again?

Edina
Just remember one thing. Cancel aromatherpy, psychotherapy, and reflexology, osteopath, homoeopath, naturopath, crystal reading, shiatsu, organic hairdresser...And see if I can be rebirthed the following Thursday afternoon.

Edina
Am I on the wrong side or the right side of the road? Wake up, Patsy, I can't go on till I'm sure.
Patsy
Keep driving, Eddy. You haven't hit anything, yet.

Edina
They [mosquitoes] never bite you.
Patsy
The last one that bit me had to check in to the Betty Ford clinic.

Saffron
Mum! Why? ... How can you have malnutrition?

Saffron
(playing Monopoly) I though you were broke? Where did you get all that money from?
Patsy
Don't question me.
Saffron
When did you get it?
Patsy
I borrowed it from the bank.
Saffron
You can't do that. That's cheating.
Patsy
Listen, snake-eyes. I own Park Lane. I can borrow as much money as I like.

Patsy
Absolutely ridiculous. Stopping me! Look at the people you're letting through stoned. Chinese hippies with back-packs, for god's sake.

Male Officer: The white powder we found was a perfectly harmless, innocent substance. You are all free to go.
Patsy
I beg your pardon.
Male Officer: You are free to go.
Patsy
Just hang on there. I demand you retest it. Come back here. I paid a huge amount of money for that. Don't you tell me it's talcum powder.

Patsy
It's the horrible realization that I must have actually enjoyed playing ping-pong!

Series One

Series Two