Edina
I had to clear out my wardrobe, get rid of all these horrible revolting, unfashionable clothes that I simply would not wear, darling, because they are not fashion. I've put them on the floor to throw out.
Mother
I thought you'd put them on, dear.

Edina
Although why anybody wants to be a student nowadays is a mystery to me. No fun, darling, no demos, not experimental drug-taking.

Edina
I could have been a student.
Mother
Oh-ho-ho. Thick as two short planks, her reports said.
Edina
It did not say that, it did not say that. Ask Patsy, darling. she wrote most of them.

Edina
Can I just say one word in my defence ... Um?
Saffron
I don't think that's a good idea, Mum. Your mouth is working for the prosecution.
Edina
Oh, darling, this is what I do well, sweetie. You might pick up a few tips for the Debating Society, darling, you never know. Without notes, Saff.

Edina
Right - The proposed accused think that, well I mean, you know, well the day in question was not a good day for me, all right? But, I put it to you that I don't see how any day could have been good the way this bloody country's run. Well, you know, I was just trying to take control of my life, you know, only to find that actually it's controlled for me by petty rules and laws that just obstruct every tiny little action until you find you've committed a crime without even knowing it. I mean, you know, why can't life just be made a little easier for everybody, eh? Why can't it be more like the Continent, um? You know, where a man can just park his car on the pavement and then run down the street in front of charging bulls while letting fireworks off out his bloody nostrils without anyone blinking an eye? Uh? Because it's probably a local holiday and nobody's at work because they all want to have just a little bit of fun and they're not intimidated by some outdated work ethic. I mean, there has to be more to life than just being safe...
Judge: Is there a point to all this?
Edina
Yes, Yes! Why, oh why, do we pay taxes, um? I mean, just to have bloody parking restrictions and buggery-ugly traffic wardens, and bollocky-pedestrian-bloody-crossings, and those bastard railings outside shops, so you can't even get in them? I mean, I know they are there to stop stupid people running into the street and killing themselves, but we're not all stupid, we don't all need nursemaiding. I mean, why not just have a 'Stupidity Tax', just tax the stupid people.
Patsy
Let them die!
Edina
Yes!
Judge: Any more of this ridiculous rant and I'll put you both away ...
Mother
Hear, hear.

Series One

Series Two