Saffron
You're not so fat.
Edina
I am. Why?
Saffron
Mum, you eat too much. You drink too much and you take no exercise.
Edina
It's much more likely to be an allergy to something. A build-up of toxins or a hormone imbalance. You know, darling, I have a very heavy aura. That's why animals love me.
Saffron
They just see you as something to hibernate in.

Edina
Well what's the point of having a private doctor if they won't do what you want.

Saffron
You can't just take huge quantities of speed to lose weight.
Edina
You can, sweetie. He treats royalty. Who wouldn't suffer a mild coronary for that degree of weight loss?
Saffron
Mum, all you've got to do is eat less and take a bit of exercise.
Edina
If it was that easy, darling, everyone would be doing it. Anyway, what do you mean? I do exercise.
Saffron
You get out of bed. It ends there.

Edina
Try and help me. Try!

Edina
There is no difference between me and the table, me and a tree, me and Madonna, for god's sake!
Saffron
Except you have a fatter bottom!

Saffron
You are not ill, you don't have a disease...
Edina
As far as I know....

Saffron
There's more of your blood sitting in test-tubes around the world than presently circulating in your veins. You have tried every fad drug that has ever existed. More money has been poured into your quest for "Twiggy- ness" than goes in aid to most third-world nations .... and somehow you're two stone overweight.

Edina
He's nice, of a type, Pats.
Saffron
A toilet-trained gorilla.
Patsy
Nobody asked you.

Patsy
Remind me not to tell that one when I'm sober.
Saffron
Sober? Chance would be a fine thing.

Edina
We'll go on public transport, Pats.
Patsy
What? I haven't got anything to wear on public transport.

Bubble
Yes, everything is perfectly under control.

Bubble
A few of the ... oh, what d'you call'ems came through.
Edina
What?
Bubble
The paper comes out.
Edina
What? What paper?
Bubble
Very important, urgent, paper.
Edina
What? Tell me.
Bubble
The paper that comes out of the answer machine.
Edina
Fax?

Bubble
I've copied them on to my pad.
Edina
Let's have a look. One. We are being saved by English Heritage.
Bubble
Are we?
Edina
Yes. Here. Saved?
Bubble
No. (laughs) Sued!

Patsy
What are you going to sell?
Edina
You know, just gorgeous things.
Patsy
Oooooh, lovely.
Edina
Just gorgeous, lovely, tasteful, beautiful, stylish....
Patsy
Expensive....
Edina
Obviously, Anouska Hempelly presenty things.

Patsy
Ivana Trump?
Edina
Not bad.
Bubble
God, do you think so? Looks like the classic bimbo to me. Look at that terrible blonde hair piled on top of her head, false tan, she's far too thin, always pouting, absolutely no character, skirts too short. I mean, it's pathetic, older woman struggling to look twenty-five. (realises she's describing Patsy) Sorry.
Patsy
I think she's tremendous.

Edina
You're very thin, Bubble.
Patsy
Emaciated ... like her brain.

Series One

Series Two